This blog is for singles and others who are free to pursue new lovers. You should never have sex (oral, intercourse, etc.) without a proper Pre-Sex Discussion (PSD). You should always interview each other to make sure you are on the same page as far as what any sex would mean, if you were to have sex (sounds like a meal–I hope gourmet!). What would be desired and expected?
Tearing each other’s clothes off and having sex without any discussion is a possible recipe for disaster. Unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or emotional problems can stave off undesirable consequences of erotic pleasure.
You need to be certain that you are on the same Pleasure Team by conversing about what you are doing, or about to do, and why. This is far better than manipulating each other while running out of breath from escalating arousal without common goals and meanings.
Don’t decide whether to continue sex play while in the heat of lust. The agreement should be clear by the time you eargerly unsnap bras and unzip zippers! Why complicate your lives by not being clear about any agreement about what and why you would mutually choose to be sexual? You might decide NOT to be sexual, or to be sexual with some guidelines. When in doubt, don’t!
If one potential lover prefers a friend with benefits (FWB) or a casual hook up or a booty call, and the other wants an exclusive, serious relationship, a mutually satisfying experience is unlikely. A PSD is more than “do you have a condom?” A PSD minimizes dangers and maximizes pleasures. A PSD encourages mutual honesty.
When you are sexual, sometimes you share your hearts. Sex should not be expressed in a way that hurts yourself or other(s). A PSD lessens the chance you will be hurt or exploited, but it is not foolproof. Any sexual adventure entails some risk, but what is life without risk?
You can’t escape flirtation and sexual overtures. The only alternative to a PSD is to fumble your way through uncomfortable and often risky seduction games. An unhealthy emphasis on danger doesn’t usually stop you from indulging in sex, but it may make you anxious when you do.
A PSD should include questions, answers and conversation from both prospective lovers. Starting a PSD should be fun and enlightening–it makes you look sophisticated and full of common sense. Your rule should be no sex until we talk, and then we’ll see how we both feel, and we’ll make an intelligent decision together.
When there is powerful sexual chemistry, it’s not too early to suggest a PSD! This doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily agree to be sexual after your first discussion. A mutual agreement is consent to be sexual, or to choose not to be sexual at that time. Mutual consent without mutual candor is worthless. A PSD is the first step toward caring and responsible sex. I recommend that lovers continue their dialogue about their sexual experiences after having sex the first time.