Anorgasmia is the constant or periodic lack of orgasm and associated signs of sexual responsiveness with women. Even though women are potentially more capable of multiple orgasms than men, women often have mental, physical/medical and relationship concerns that make orgasm difficult to experience.
Some women are easily orgasmic from manual and oral stimulation, and from masturbation, but not from intercourse. Others are orgasmic from intercourse as well.
Learning about the female body—the clitoris, the G-Spot in the vagina, nipples and other body parts—can help a woman achieve higher levels of orgasmic bliss. Maintaining a healthy body image is important. Having a lover (male or female) who is aware of how to escalate desire and arousal helps, but technically no one gives a lover an orgasm. Women who do Kegel (pelvic floor muscle) exercises often find that they are more easily orgasmic. I guide couples to find ways to have orgasms.
Thoughts facilitate or impede orgasms. I work with a woman’s thoughts to help her be orgasmic. I assign some specific writing and videos, and I make suggestions to her and to her partner. In some cases I recommend using a vibrator, but I do not suggest only using a vibrator, as overuse can make orgasm from less intense sources less likely.
Sometimes hormones are one piece of the orgasm puzzle. If a woman is low in testosterone, she may have more difficulty fantasizing and getting fully aroused to have orgasm. Other hormones may also be involved. I work with endocrinologists and gynecologists to solve hormone issues.
Some women fear letting go—losing control—and orgasm is being out of control. I help them get rid of their fears of letting go, and this usually helps. I recommend that they learn to orgasm from masturbation, and with a partner.
I never recommend faking orgasm. This is a sure route to never get it right. How can a partner know that he or she is not giving you what you need unless you tell them?
Alcohol in small amounts may relieve inhibitions, but in more than a very small amount, it also deadens the brain, sending the wrong signals through the nerves to the genitals, making orgasm more difficult. I do not recommend much—if any—alcohol before lovemaking.
Aerobic exercise, lusty fantasies and playfulness and frequent self-pleasuring all can set the stage for stupendous orgasms. I specifically encourage all of these and more! I also go over diet, drugs and sleep patterns to zero in on having orgasms. Many prescription drugs work against desire, arousal and orgasm. Again, I work with appropriate doctors to solve this piece of the orgasm puzzle.
I have been successful in helping women who have never had an orgasm have orgasms. When there is a couple, I always work with both lovers. Sometimes I spend more time with the woman for a few sessions, but this depends on what I can imagine will work.
I am not a cookie cutter sex therapist. I use my imagination to craft a treatment plan that is successful. I constantly hone my treatment plan by experimenting!