We live in a puritanical society that frowns on being explicit and open about sex — about our desires, fantasies and what we want from lovemaking. Shyness, embarrassment and a lack of accurate information combine to make some uncomfortable discussing sex.
Some worry that their lover will be put off if they discuss their sexual desires and what satisfies them. Some are unsure what words to use to express what they feel, need and want. Without specific and clear communication, partners resort to mindreading, and in the process they jump to unwarranted conclusions about what their partner is thinking, feeling and desiring.
If we do not communicate our desires in a safe environment, we feel hurt, frustrated and unsatisfied. The smart choice is to stretch our comfort zone to address each other’s fantasies and needs.
In my illustrated humor book, Sex from Aah to Zipper: A Delightful Glossary of Love, Lust and Laughter, I define sex-positive words with a playful flair. Part of my book and cartoons are on this website. I discuss sexual positions, including the Double Angel Ankle Lock Position and the Bull Hog Grind! My book has helped many who are feeling stifled in their sexual communication to freely express themselves with their partner and others.
I use my skills as an experienced couples counselor and sex therapist to improve discussions about sex in my office, which facilitates more open sex talk at home. I suggest that couples have a “session” without me at home where they talk about their sex life and what they would like to try and feel. These discussions almost always help improve sexual intimacy and satisfaction.
I ask couples to talk with each other in my office and to make direct requests and suggestions to each other during sex therapy. This helps open the door to greater understanding and a more relaxed attitude about lovemaking. Sex therapy helps create more open conversations which make couples feel closer, and the enhanced closeness leads to better and more sex.
I help single people improve their communication with those they date and have sex with too. I suggest a Pre-Sex Discussion to determine if having sex (sounds like meal—I hope gourmet!) is a good idea or not. Similarly, I ask ongoing couples to continue their frank, explicit and playful conversations so their sex life is full of variety and laughter.
It helps if couples can talk during sex too! This beats pointing and grunting! No one needs crib notes by the bed, and it’s OK to speak in fragments without subject-verb agreement while in the throes of mutual lust.
My success rate is high when I zero in on improving sexual communication. My openness and complete comfort with myself and the subject helps couples and singles relax so they can hear me and act on my recommendations.
What are the Sexual Conditions I Diagnose and Treat using Sex Therapy?
• Low Sexual Desire, Inhibited Desire and Discrepant Desire
• Male and Female Orgasm Problems
• Erection Problems, Premature Ejaculation and Delayed Ejaculation
• Painful Intercourse (Dyspareunia) and Vaginismus
• Sexual Obsession and Compulsion
• Problems with Religious or Cultural Repression of Sexuality
• Sexual Fetishes
• Learning To Be More Emotionally Expressive
• Alternative Sexual Lifestyles (including open relationships, swinging, polyamory, BDSM and kinky sex)